Outing by Master Jan

Outing is a term we use in our lifestyle to mean that someone has exposed our private alternative lives to those outside of our lifestyle community.  It means that someone has provided personal information within our lifestyle community that someone has chosen not to share.  Outing has been the one thing that would certainly cause a person’s removal from the community, clubs, groups, and even the friendships that had been established.

Lately it seems that the term OUTING has been confused with sharing within our community and it has been forgiven when it shouldn’t have been.  There are times when someone may have “accidentally” exposed information to the wrong person with no ill intent and then deeply regretted it once they were aware.  In this instance, there may be justification for forgiveness providing it was not damaging to the other person, it was sincerely unintentional, and there is enough remorse that others can believe it will not happen again.

Information provided within the community on a personal level is not permissible to use in a public forum like FetLife or Facebook unless the person themselves  has provided it there.  Not everyone logging in is actually in the real time community.

There have been times that OUTING has been threatened but did not occur.  If it didn’t happen then there is no cause for removal.  However, reprimands should be made to warn the person making the threat what will happen if they follow through with it.  Those threatened will want to shy away from that person as well to be on the safe side.  People make mistakes and people mouth out things in anger.  We need to help teach those people that it is not acceptable and give them a warning.  If it continues, then it will be time to take a stronger stand.

Our community leaders and members need to remember the seriousness of OUTING and agree to stand up to the person that does it and not allow them back into the membership.  Too many careers, families, etc have been destroyed by malicious acts of OUTING.


Sharing Information on an exciting scene one saw to others within the lifestyle.

Sharing information on a scene gone bad with others within the lifestyle in hopes of educating others on what not to do.

Naming someone with their scene name or any name that person has used themselves within our community (including their first name).

Sharing generic information about local groups and upcoming events to those outside the community that show interest in joining the community.  That folks is simply PR and our members reaching out to someone new wanting to learn.


Providing someone’s full name within the lifestyle community (unless that person has used it themselves).

Providing someone’s personal information such as job, home address, etc within the community (unless that person has provided it themselves)

Providing ANY information regarding a person’s alternative lifestyle to ANYONE or ANY PLACE outside of the lifestyle community.

Providing any means of destroying a person’s image, reputation, etc with their family, vanilla friends, job, church, or any other person or organization outside of our lifestyle community.

Let’s all remember what OUTING is and what it can do.